Shawn Wells – The Voice of Millennial Dating

At the age of twenty-five, Shawn Wells is a Black man who knows who he is, not what the world says he should be. His story showcases that no matter where you are from or how you grow up, you can change your destiny by stepping out on faith and giving life your all. With each step from social media to reality television, he ensures he is memorable, intentional, and authentic to himself. This was a fantastic conversation with him about his past and his journey of self-discovery.   

Getting to know Shawn Wells  

Cox: Shawn, I’m excited to speak with you. You have taken social media by storm and now stepping out into other avenues such as reality television, hosting, and becoming a personality. I want to know who Shawn is from the beginning.  
Wells: I’m originally from Ohio. Ironically, my mother thought I would always be a model growing up. She had me in baby pageants before I could literally walk. So, everything you see now, from modeling to acting and now magazine cover opportunities, was always my mother’s goal for me.   

Honestly, I was deterred from all this in my younger years because she introduced me to the industry early. I told my mom that I didn’t want to be in front of the camera anymore. But, Mike, that pageant world is crazy, and those pageant moms are scary.   

It wasn’t until I was nineteen and in the military that the spark came back to me. It was after a friend told me I looked like Tyson Beck. Funny enough, I didn’t know who that was, so I had to look him up.   

I really didn’t think I could do the whole modeling thing. But I tried it out and ended up becoming successful.   

Cox: Speaking of being in the military. I would love to learn what made you join.  
Wells: I promise you, Mike, they swindled me. I had sworn in at eighteen in the Army reserves. Then, the day before we were shipped out for basic training, I learned I was on active duty. So, when I got to Virginia, the first question I asked the sergeant major was how long it would take me to return to the reserves because I didn’t sign up for this. He laughed at me and said I don’t maybe six years.   

I’m not going to lie; I went straight to the bathroom and cried. I was like, wow, I’m in the army and not returning home.  

Cox: That’s crazy! You hear a lot about racism and things of that nature in the military. Did you experience any of it during your time?  
Wells: Oh man, I had some challenges dealing with white colonels and sergeant majors who were racist. I’m not saying the army isn’t a place for a Black man, but there are possible situations where Black men and women still get unfair treatment regarding their hair compared to their white counterparts. I personally detail these issues and felt some discrimination at times.   

A New Era of Self Love  

Cox: Shawn, did you know your social media presence would take off like it did?  
Wells: Mike, I’m going to keep it blunt with you. I great up poor and being teased a lot. I was teased about things such as my skin complexion and nose. I was so self-conscious of myself that I never took selfies.   

So, I did my first shot years ago and posted it online. I got around a hundred and twenty likes. I was like, oh, ya’ll like Shawn. Then I did a second shoot, and that’s when things just got crazier and crazier for me. I was initially overwhelmed and shocked seeing thousands of comments.   

Cox: Mentioning being teased because of your skin and facial features, what did that teach you about the importance of Blackness and loving it?  
Wells: You know most of the teasing came from our community. It must stop because we, as Black people, shouldn’t be segregated based on the differences in our skin tones and features.   

I see it changing now because dark skin men like myself are getting the love we deserve. And this love is something all Black people should receive.   

Social Media & Too Hot to Handle    

Cox: You got your start on social media, but you are evolving your brand outside of it and being more intentional.  
Wells: I did get my start there, you know, doing the photoshoots and the hot guy thing we see. That’s what picked up traction and got me going. But I avoided doing the content creator thing because I wanted to move my brand in a different lane. I’m working to show more personality, primarily for television. I’m blessed that now I’m doing even more interviews.   

I’m pushing my brand to be a television personality.   

Cox: Getting caught in the social media trap of creating content for content’s sake can be so easy.  
Wells: I need to be more focused on how many likes or followers I get. I appreciate them, and with the comments, I’m just not doing it for that.   

I’m focused on developing and building the foundation for my brand. I want to find what lane I will go further, whether acting, hosting, or personality. There is more for me outside of Instagram.   

Cox: Regarding social media, I want to know more about your time on Too Hot to Handle.   
Wells: The show actually reached out to me to be on it. It was that simple. When they approached me, they said we have this fantastic new show, and we would love for you to be on it. I didn’t know anything until we went there.   

Getting on the show was easy, but the scary part was giving our phones away when we arrived. Mind you, we didn’t know what was happening, so I’m like, I don’t know these people. I thought I was going to get kidnapped and my grandmother would be so mad.  

The craziest part is that there are cameras and microphones everywhere, Mike! It was definitely a fun and fantastic experience, though.   

Cox: What was it like for you after doing a reality television show like that?  
Wells: It lets people see another side of me. They learned I wasn’t a jerk or any misconception they had solely based on following me on social media. It helped me open my brand more.   

Millennial Dating & Shawn’s Perspective  

Cox: You have become the go-to person to talk about dating from the millennial perspective. When did you know that was going to be something of interest?  
Wells: It was after coming off of Too Hot to Handle. That’s when I became known as the ‘dating guy.’ I this it’s just too many people with podcasts giving horrible information to young men about what they should be doing in their relationships. They also provide this same horror advice to women.   

This could be an opportunity for me to be a positive light on this topic of conversation.   

I wanted to give good advice for both men and women to follow. And not bring up discussions on who should split the bill. That’s one of those negative stereotypical topics that doesn’t benefit anyone.   

Cox: From your perspective, with all this instantaneous communication and swiping left, what’s something you see is a huge problem when it comes to dating?  
Wells: I see that a lot of people want perfection. That’s the problem with these social media channels because they hear everyone telling them what they want and don’t want in a partner. People have to think there will be only so many people that fit that category when you start to like someone on things like height and income. Perfection isn’t realistic and doesn’t exist.   

You want to find someone you actually like and love to be around. Someone who wants to do the work with you and compromise to make the relationship successful.   

Cox: You emphasize the importance of understanding one’s trauma and therapy.  
Wells: Trauma is a big deal, especially for the Black community. That’s why one of the questions I ask a woman is whether you have been to therapy. I ask this because we all have some form and level of trauma, and we must address it and heal from it before trying to start something with someone else. In addition, unhealed trauma affects us in many ways, such as our social skills and communication, which are crucial when dating. So, it’s a big deal for me.   

Cox: How has the journey been for you when it comes to your trauma and advocacy for therapy?  
Wells: I’ve done three years of therapy. I started when I was twenty and in the military. I did it because it was free for us. I noticed I had commitment issues and didn’t know how to control my emotions. I knew that part of this came from growing up without a father.   

Therapy helped me profoundly understand these issues and address them. I’m a better individual because of it.   

Whether your life is excellent per se or not, everyone should go to therapy because it helps with personal skills and life.   

Cox: Last question before we end! What do you look for in a woman that you want to date?  
Wells: First, she has to be Black! I like a caring woman. I’m sapiosexual, so I can’t have sex or do anything sexual unless I’m genuinely attracted to you, and we have a bond. I love for a woman to have talents outside of her profession. It’s great if you have a degree but what are your hobbies and self- interests. Those are things I’m going to find attractive about you.   

Some think I’m looking for the IG model types, but I’m not. If the woman is beautiful to me, she is gorgeous to me.   

Photography Credit: Ann LeCompte
Creative Director and Styling Credit: Mendal Mccoy